“Gerbe, Gerbe, look,” called Gerbo, my dearest friend. Dearest, because I do not have any other.

Gerbo waved his little paws, trying to call me into his laboratory. – Or at least the spot that he calls his laboratory. Rats are not like human beings who really know about that kind of stuff. We may be as intelligent as them, but we have other rules to live by. Besides, having to walk on four legs most of the time forces us to design our everyday things different than them. – Laboratory included.

I dipped my paws in some chemical he put in front of the laboratory fence – ‘disinfectants’, he calls them – and walked in. The place is really just a small place with bottles containing all kinds of liquids Gerbo could find. He tends to pick up everything from the sewer, saying that there is always some treasure lurking around. Though, I guess this time, he made the treasure.

“This is the biggest breakthrough I have ever done!” He almost screamed. “It can make us shine! Do you know what that would mean?”

Negative. What benefit can it give us? Being born and still living in the sewer would not invite anything that might change how humans treat us. Some deliberately trap us to release us somewhere else, only to be eaten by wild animals. Some even have the audacity to tame wild animals so that they could eat us by command. Humans are disgusting. And to shine? I doubt it would be of any help at all.

Gerbo’s spark dimmed. It seemed that my lack of understanding demotivated him a little bit. To be honest, I sometimes find him too optimistic for his own good. What good does it bring having a laboratory, anyway? – As a rat? Why can’t he just go for a rat girl and make a family or something, so that it won’t be only the two of us?

“Here just drink this,” he handed me a cup of the liquid he has been showing me. “Stay here until I say you’re fine.”

So I did. After some minutes he told me to go to the laboratory near the sewer, walk around, and return only after I made sure that some people paid attention.

I did again, exactly as my friend said. Until suddenly the human beings started picking me up, very carefully. I got to stay longer and longer with them.

But one day, I stayed too long, and the effect of the potion wore off. The human beings released me, clearly showing disappointment and disinterest. I was sad that my life didn’t change after all. They were only interested in my glowing, and not anything else. To them, I am still a sewer rat. At most an interesting one, worth observing – only when I was glowing.

After I told him about my disappointment, I asked him if he would make something that would make me glow permanently, so that I can lead a better life on the surface. In a clean place, full of clean food. Not like the sewer, where seemingly I become the bringer of death to everyone who sees me.

“Actually, I wanted to try out the chemical myself, so that I can know well what we would need on the surface. So that I could adjust my potion in a way that it would benefit us most.”

Us? So Gerbo never wanted to make my life better?

He denied, but I could not listen anymore. He claimed that he actually wanted the both of us to go to the surface as shining rats – permanently – but wanted to give me a head start to give me hope. Hope that it could change while he works on the permanent solution. Excuses!

So it was after all a selfish agenda. He just wanted the care of the human beings to himself, never cared about me. Me, who wanted change the most. What change does he want? He already has his laboratory! His stupid laboratory!

I demanded him to stop playing me and give me the permanent solution right away. He complained about me abandoning him, not caring about me, but who is really the selfish one? Go to the surface together? A new life, the both of us? Because we only have each other? Lies!

Lies!

He only wanted to piggy-back me.

He only wanted to use me.

Liar!

“Fine! Then don’t go relying on a liar! I’m gone!” Gerbo scurried away from the laboratory. His laboratory.

I decided to wait. Maybe the conversation did get too heated. We never fought like this before. Or maybe we do, but he always came back.

Well, maybe not immediately. Maybe in some hours.

Well, maybe he was so mad at me. Maybe in some days…

It has been weeks. This damn Gerbo. Suddenly leaving me, breaking his promise of bringing us both to the surface permanently. Well, who needs a fool like him, anyway? The only thing he can do is mixing random kinds of liquids!

Maybe I should try making the potion by myself. It won’t be that hard. If Gerbo could do it, why shouldn’t I?

Why shouldn’t I be able to be like Gerbo? He is dumb, anyway.

Why shouldn’t I be able to be like Gerbo? He is too passionate, anyway. Passion blinds, as you know.

I can’t do things like Gerbo. Well, he is too naïve. I can never understand his naivety. I don’t have to do things like Gerbo.

I think I messed up. I feel dizzy now.

I should be able to make things like Gerbo. After all,  I  was the one who saved him from that cat and let him recover.

I can’t think anymore.

I should be able to change my life…

Gerbo.